Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
