yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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