is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just cut my nipple shaving
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
