Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
