between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
