What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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