I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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