Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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