It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
