Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
