Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't deserve a penis
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
