i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
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