and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
