it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
