Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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