I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
