so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
