I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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