she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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