Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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