Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
