is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
