you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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