so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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