she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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