Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize