"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
