i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
