I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize