Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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