Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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