I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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