last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
