all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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