I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
