umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
