I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
