I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
