sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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