I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to calm my uterus...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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