we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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