if only i could text you this smell
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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