I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
