going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
