He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just found a bag of teeth...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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