Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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