The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm getting married
To pizza
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
