I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
