the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
