Can i not drive my cunt home
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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