We won't sleep together?
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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