its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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