I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
