do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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