Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Text me some of your sweat
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
