her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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