The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
