dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
