I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
