We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
