some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
tell me about the eggs
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
