i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
