i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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