He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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