1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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