he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
