How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
