Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
