Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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