Apparently you make a good broom.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize