so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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