i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
