Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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