your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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