The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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