It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
