how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
