Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
